A Pirate Life for Me?
by WillowDryad
Summary: Every boy wants to be a pirate, doesn't he? For International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Golden Age. No slash.


A Pirate Life for Me?

The clouds were black on the horizon. Bobbing out on the tossing waves of the Eastern Sea was a small raft, roughly made of discarded planks, old rope and a couple of heavy oak beams. From the jousting lance that served as her mast, there flew a large square of black silk with a rather badly proportioned but still jaunty skull and crossbones painted in the middle. Aboard her were two boys and a young Wolf.

"Avast there, ye scurvy dog!" the younger boy cried, shoving the other.

The Wolf, who had been lolling on his back near the mast, lifted his head with a questioning yip.

"Watch it, Ed," said the older boy (of course it was Peter) seated at his feet. "You nearly pushed me overboard."

"Who be this Ed ye speak of?" said the first (and it was indeed Edmund, despite his eye patch, long brass-buttoned coat and fake parrot). "I be Cap'n Precarious Thunderbeard, Scourge of the Seven Seas!"

Peter laughed. "We have only one sea, and you haven't got any beard at all."

"Have ye no eyes?" Edmund howled, tugging at the mass of unraveled black yarn he had tied to his face. "'Tis the finest beard for a thousand leagues!"

"It's yarn, Ed. You stole it from Susan's knitting basket."

"He always scrapes off his fur," said the Wolf (it was Remus). "How come you do that, King Edmund?"

"Shut yer lyin' gob there, mutt!" said the would-be pirate. "And that's Cap'n Thunderbeard, savvy? Now, get up, ye lazy lump, and see if we be followed?"

Tongue hanging out in a wide puppy grin, Remus got to his feet and stared back towards Cair Paravel. "I don't see anybody, Ki– er, Cap'n."

The raft drifted farther out to sea, past a tiny island (it was really only a big rock sticking out of the water) where a Mermaid sat playing wistful tunes on her panpipes. The music faltered into silence as Edmund turned again to his brother.

"Ha ha!" he crowed, feet planted wide and hands on hips. "Now for the rest of me diabolical plan!" He looked down on Peter, greedily rubbing his hands together. "So, High King, let's just see how much yer people love ye. Either they turn out the royal treasury and their pockets and leave the booty in the cove for me men to collect, or they'll find the bloated carcase of Peter the Magnificent washed ashore come the morning tide with an extra smile cut out right about here." He ran one finger across his throat.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Oh, spare me, Captain Thunderbug," he said in a sniggering sort of voice. "Spare me."

"That's Thunder_beard_, ye clothead," Edmund growled, threatening him with his wooden cutlass. "Mind yer tongue or lose it!"

Peter pressed his palms together and looked melodramatically to the heavens. "Dear Aslan, will no one save me from such a hideous fate?"

"You could swim back, King Peter," Remus suggested helpfully. "It's only about three hundred yards."

Peter laughed and Edmund scowled, turning the cutlass on the Wolf. "Mutiny, is it? Once the prize is taken, I'll have ye keelhauled. By Davy Jones, I will!"

Remus yelped and put his tail between his legs, and the dread pirate turned again to his captive.

"Now, High King Peter, the so-called Magnificent, say yer prayers, for there is naught on land or sea can save ye now!"

"Oh, yes, there is!" With a splash, the little Mermaid (she really couldn't have been much more than a girl in human years) lunged towards the raft and grabbed Peter by the ankles. "I will save you, High King!"

"Hey, wait!" Peter gasped, finding himself halfway in the water and halfway out, with the Mermaid tugging him down by the legs and Edmund holding him up by one arm and with one arm around his neck. Remus had his teeth in the back of Peter's shirt (and, truth be told, in a little of his skin). "Wait! Ow!"

There was a considerable amount of flailing and splashing and, seeing their kinswoman in distress, a number of the Merfolk came to help.

"Hurry!" cried the Mermaid. "This dread pirate is trying to murder the High King!"

"No, wait!" said Edmund. "I'm not a pirate! I'm just–"

At that point, one of the ropes split and the raft was overturned and whatever else Edmund might have said was choked in seawater. When he bobbed up, sputtering and gasping for breath, his eyepatch was gone and his beard was a wad of sodden black yarn hanging down his back. Peter, treading water next to him, fairly howled with laughter.

"We thank you, good Merfolk, for your concern," he said, managing somehow to be quite magnificent despite his dousing, "but it is truly our brother, the King Edmund."

The little Mermaid looked at Edmund and then her rosy cheeks turned even rosier. "Oh. Oh, I am sorry, Your Majesty."

Edmund gave her a grudging nod, and with a giggle and a flash of silver scales, she dove into the water and disappeared. The rest of the Merfolk made polite farewells and followed after her, leaving only the brothers and the grinning, dog-paddling Wolf to make their way back to shore.

"Come on, Captain Thunderbunny," Peter said. "I'll race you."

"Thunder_beard_!" Edmund shouted as Peter darted away from him.

They reached the shore at the same time, both of them dropping panting onto the warm sand.

"So much for playing pirates," Edmund grumbled, shrugging out of his waterlogged coat. "And you weren't the least bit helpful."

"At least you still have your cutlass," Peter said, stretching out and closing his eyes. "Sorry about the raft."

Edmund pulled his knees up, propped one elbow on them and then leaned his chin on his hand. "You could have at least– Hey!"

Remus trotted up to him and shook himself from head to tail, showering Edmund with seawater. Then, grinning again, he dropped at Edmund's feet a pulpy mass of feathers and cotton stuffing.

"I found your parrot, King Edmund!"

Peter snickered, and all Edmund could do was sigh.

"Well, that could have turned out better...or worse."

**In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19****th****), Lady Alambiel and I had a little challenge. We each had to write a story with the following elements:**

**First sentence: The clouds were black on the horizon.**

**Element #1 - Mistaken Identity**

**Element #2 - Panpipes**

**Element #3 - A dog/wolf**

**Last sentence - "Well, that could have turned out better...or worse." **

**I hope you like what I came up with. Don't forget to read hers, too! It's a hoot!  
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